As I drove away, I watched the girls walk into school through the side mirror of the car. I whispered, “My babies,” with a sigh. I felt a little bit of sadness, a little bit of pride, and an abundance of warmth.
When I dropped them off, I knew they would grow without me. No matter what I did, whether I was absent or present, they would keep on growing.
A single crow flew above me on my way home. It was headed in the same direction as I. And for a moment, I felt like one of the flock. I followed their leader and liked how it felt to be led home.
Our home was decorated for Christmas. I listened to Christmas music stream through the television. And heard the words, “Santa Claus is coming to town.” The festive feeling overwhelmed me. There was so much to do and not enough time. I was irritated because I wanted to get things done. But, my baby, Abraham, was frustrated as well. He sought comfort, attention, and sleep.
I sat in the rocking chair. At first, I rocked with resentment. This little being kept me from all the things I had to do. I held him at a distance, to one side of my body. My head faced the opposite direction. I felt myself detach from him. And the bah-hum-bug stench of my attitude made me sick. I caught a whiff and remembered – this doesn’t last! He was small enough to fit in my arms. He was small enough to sleep on my chest. He was small. But, he was growing by the minute. I squeezed him tighter, put my head against his, closed my eyes and put love in the rocking chair.
The girls were at school, growing without me. Abe grew in my arms. I was warm. A crow led me home.